We often want to heal the pain that we see in others. We are not healers. Jesus Christ is the healer. People work on themselves and grow through the grace of God. We cannot do another person’s growth. We cannot apply the power of grace. We are simply a tool in the Master’s hand.

We recognize what attributes are good and what attributes are bad. When we feel bad, it does not help us to demand that our spouse embodies good attributes. If our spouse embodied good attributes, then our spouse would feel good. If we wish to feel good, we need to embody the attributes that we know will create a vessel for happiness.

The phrase “self-esteem” assumes that we esteem ourselves. Why then do we think that it should come from others? If our esteem comes from others, it would be called “other-esteem.” The phrase “self-esteem” means that the esteem comes from the self.

When choosing a reinforcer, it is helpful to use the Premack principle. To do this, look for a reinforcer that the child already seeks. If the child craves attention, use attention as the reinforcer. If the child craves video games, use video game time. If the child craves sugary snack, use a treat.