The Journey

We can propose that the journey a person walks is a path of A to C. The starting point A, representing where the person is now. The ending point C, representing where they want to arrive. The intermediate point B, representing what they suppose must occur, before they can reach C. It is the intermediate point B that requires much of the time and effort in counseling.

The intermediate point B, is an odd little duck. Much of the time, it takes on two separate forms. The first form it represents is that of growth. For example, a person cannot obtain their goal of lifting 300 pounds, until they have grown to that strength. An equally common form that B represents, is the form of a barrier that people have created in their own mind. For example, if a person wants to stop yelling, they simply need to speak in calm tones. There is actually nothing preventing them from accomplishing their goal, except for the barrier or presupposition that they have created.

Growth

The process of growth is a well-documented and researched process. There are a lot of very interesting theories about a way a person can look at achieving growth. All of the theories have one thing in common. A person starts off by breaking the end goal down into achievable steps. The steps are then conquered one at a time. When the last step is mastered, so is the end goal.

Presuppositions

The process of eliminating presuppositions should be really easy. A person simply stops believing in the presupposition and then does the thing that they want to accomplish. The difficulty lies in the amount of time and energy a person has spent attempting to tear the barrier down, while simultaneously building up the strength of the barrier in their mind. It is difficult to let go of a presupposition, when so much energy and time has been spent examining it and making attempts at tearing it down.

An example of presuppositions might be, “I cannot stop yelling, because what you do is so frustrating.” Obviously, a person can feel frustrated and not yell at the same time. If the person presupposes that their partner has to stop being frustrated before they stop yelling, they will spend a lot of time and energy into forcing their partner to be less frustrating. This will probably never be accomplished.  

Another example of a presupposition can be, “I cannot let go of my anger toward him, because if I do, he will start drinking again.” The person is supposing that their anger is keeping their spouses drinking at bay. If they stop being angry, their spouse will drink. The person is therefore stuck in a state of emotion that she does not wish to maintain. She might feel that she will be forever in that state, until she can feel assured that his drinking will not occur again. In actuality, if the person wants to stop being angry, she simply has to experience a different emotion.

Another example of a presupposition is, “I can’t feel at ease, until I know that my spouse isn’t upset with me.” This statement sounds really nice, until the person wants to “feel at ease” before their spouse is ready to “not be upset”. At which point, the person might start to push, pressure, or cajole their spouse into “not being upset,” so they can finally feel at ease. If that were to occur, the spouse is likely to become even more upset. It is equally possible that two people can process through a disagreement and calm their emotions at different rates. One person can reach a state of “ease” before the other one, and that is okay. In fact, it happens all the time, when we are not paying attention to it.

Action is Required

Neither growth or the breakdown of presuppositions can be accomplished without action taking place. Growth requires a person to strain against the existing state, until the existing state is slowly overcome. A knowledge that the presupposed barrier is not a necessary prerequisite to an action, occurs when a person experiences themselves doing the action without first overcoming the presupposed barrier. This takes time to accomplish. It takes a lot of trial and error before the person finds an alternative path that they are comfortable with.