The man and the woman fought constantly. They both wanted to feel loved. They demanded that the other person meet their needs. The man told the women he needed sex to feel connected. The woman told the man she needed emotional connection before she could desire sex. The couple demanded that the other one change. Neither the man nor the women wanted to invest the time and energy needed to grow without the other one changing first.  

When they made family decisions, each person was careful to ensure that the decision was based on fairness. Neither person wanted to feel taken advantage of.  Justice was a big part of their dialogue. They wanted to the other person to know that he/she wasn’t going to “get away with” an indiscretion, if one was made. It was very important to both of them that they stood up for themselves and what they believed in, even if it meant arguing about it late into the night. If they made up, it was a waiting game to see who would apologize first. Neither of them felt it was fair that he/she was the one to always apologize.

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The neighbors approached marriage differently. They were not focused on getting love. They were focused on giving it. The husband and wife both put their focus on each other. They looked for ways they could ease each other’s burdens. They expressed their love constantly. They built each other up. They cheered each other on through hard times. Their greatest desire was not for their own happiness, but for the happiness of the other person. She felt like she could tell her husband anything. He felt desired by his wife.

When making family decisions, each person felt like they were putting the other’s interest first. Subsequently, neither person ever felt taken advantage of. Mercy was not talked about, but it was an underlying theme in responses to situations. Grace was always offered freely. It was important to them that the other person was comfortable and happy. The couple would always put the other person’s emotions above schedules and projects. They would let plans fall apart if it meant the other person would be happy. Subsequently they both got what they wanted all of the time, but without the effort of fighting for it in a game of survival.