Codependency

How it is Formed

People do not like feeling stress. When they experience stress, they are motivated to solve the problem that is creating the stress. In a codependent relationship, the dependent person is motivated to ask, coerce, threaten, guilt trip, or manipulate the codepenent person into solving their problem. The dependent person does this by presenting their problem in a way that increases the stress level of the codependent person. Once the stress level of the codependent person is increased, the codependent will be motivated to solve the dependent person’s problem.

As the relationship continues to age, the dependent person will not gain problem solving skills, while the codependent will become more and more proficient in problem solving. The codependent person will become increasingly frustrated with the dependent person. The dependent person will become increasingly more frustrated at the irritability that the codependent is manifesting.

How it is Solved

The dependent person can increase his self-confidence and problem solving skills, as he experiences himself figuring out his own problems. The codependent can foster this growth by verbally and physically putting the problem of the dependent, back into his own hands. The codependent can do this while still using kind, uplifting, and empowering language.

If the dependent has stunted growth in problem solving, the codependent may have to slowly taper off the level of assistance she is giving. The codependent will do well to express confidence in the dependent verbally and by physically relinquishing control. The codependent will make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes when they are learning. Alowing the codependent to make mistakes will help his growth.