Marriage Family & Peace

Podcast by Eric & Liza Johnson

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How gardening can be therapeutic

Mar 29 • 30:01

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

In this episode, we discuss the benefits of gardening and how it can be therapeutic for us and our families!

Unequally Yoked

Feb 14 • 32:08

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

How might a couple be unequally yoked? How will you notice if the person your dating is going to be different, once you are married? These are questions that we discuss on this podcast episode. 

Should I give my children consequences.

Jan 28 • 38:26

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

The concept of not giving children consequences is growing in popularity. In this episode we discuss if it is a good idea to give children consequences. We also discuss tips on how to give the consequences. 

When Your Spouse Misses Social Cues

Sep 7 • 30:57

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

What happens when your spouse misses social cues? How do you interpret that? What do you do if you are the one who is missing social cues in your relationship? What approach do you have? We don't have all the answers, but we are happy to share our thoughts and ideas on our situation. 

How to Adjust to Each Other as Newlyweds

Aug 26 • 26:27

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

This episode describes ideas about how to adjust to each other as newlyweds. 

Seeking Yourself or Losing Yourself in Marriage

Aug 13 • 30:19

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Jesus, Ghandi, and Mother Teresa all said the same thing. When he lose ourselves, we find ourselves; when we find ourselves, we lose ourselves. There are two types of marriages. The unhappy type where two people constantly demand that the other person meets their needs. The happy type where two people stop thinking about themselves and enjoy loving and caring for the other person. 

How to manage the anxiety of an affair

Jul 22 • 30:15

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Managing the anxiety of an affair can be difficult. In this episode we don't discuss how restoring trust can decrease the anxiety. We discuss how decreasing the anxiety can decrease the anxiety. Trust will be independent of decreasing the anxiety. 

Will your husband change when he understands how much something hurts you?

Sep 21 • 23:11

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Will your husband change when he understands how much something hurts you? Sometimes a husband is not aware that something he is doing is hurting you. Letting him know helps him become aware and helps him know that he needs to change an action. Some actions can be changed very quickly. Others take time to change. Some actions are multifaceted and require changes on multiple levels. These actions require effort, introspection, and trial and error. Just because your husband did not change right away, might not mean that he doesn't love you and doesn't care if you're hurt. It might mean that he is trying to change, but it is taking trial and error on his part. Instead of explaining over and over again how his actions hurt you, it may be helpful to try to understand why he is doing what he is doing. Guys tend to not be as introspective or as deep as women. If he tells you that he doesn't know, it is probably because he doesn't. Oftentimes men learn by doing. As he attempts to change the behavior, the understanding about why he cannot will become clearer. You seeking to understand why he wasn't able to perform a task accomplishes two things. The first thing it does, is it lends to helping you have empathy for your husband's failings. The second thing it does, is it requires your husband to be introspective. As he is being introspective, he will gain a better understanding of what he needs to change about himself. Don't think your husband will be as introspective as you can be. Men tend to be a lot simpler in the way they create meaning of the world. This doesn't mean that their understanding won't work. Simple understanding can create movement just as easily as complex understanding can. 

Why is my wife bringing this up?

Sep 3 • 04:58

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

A lot of ladies are external processors. They need to talk things out in order to make sense of the emotions and thoughts they have in their mind. Sometimes ladies will bring up things from the past, not because they want to hurt their husband, but because it reminds them about something that is going on in the present and they are trying to make sense of it. 

A lot of husbands have a desire to be good at being a husband. When the wife comes to them to talk about a problem, they often feel like the wife is signaling that they are doing a bad job. This results in the husband getting instantly defensive. When this happens, the conversation goes awry and the wife is not able to talk through and organize her thoughts. 

If the husband can refrain from thinking that the wife is signaling that he is a bad husband, then he can do a better job at listening to his wife. If he can ask her questions about how she is feeling/thinking this can help her organize her thoughts. When she feels like her emotions are valid and her thoughts are organized, then she can put the thoughts to bed by coming up with a quick solution. 

This pattern of interaction doesn't apply to everyone. People are different. Not every lady is an external processor. This situation does happen enough that I thought I'd mention it on this podcast. 

Your Stress About Church Might Be Coming From Yourself

Aug 10 • 16:23

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Jesus is the author of Christianity. He indicated that his "yoke is easy" and his "burden is light." When going to church starts to stress us out, it is probably more about what we are thinking and less about what God is thinking. 

There aren't too many commandments to follow. Jesus indicated that the greatest commandments are to "love God and love our neighbor." When we start to feel smothered and restricted by the commandments, maybe our feelings of hardship are due to the way we are thinking about it. 

If religion is making us feel anxious and stressed out, maybe we need to change the way we are looking at it. 

Marriage Solutions That Don't Work Outside of Marriage

Jul 28 • 11:28

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

I really look up to the customers that come in to see me for counseling. They are resilient, hard-working, and very smart. I'm being honest about that. I think they are great people. For whatever reason, we all tend to be on our A-game when we are by ourselves, but when our partner is involved we get tangled up in our emotions and we lose track of our senses. This segment is about common ways that we try to solve marriage problems. They do not work, but we try to make them work anyway. 

Dos and Don'ts with Kids and Divorce

Jul 2 • 31:26

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

This episode contains some dos and don’ts with kids and divorce. Suggestions about what helps the kids and what harms the kids in a post-divorce situation. 

Fun

May 14 • 27:07

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Sometimes we forget that fun is an important part of life. Without adding a little spice, we can become depressed, bored, and irritable. This sometimes results in unhealthy outlets. It is much better to find fun and wholesome ways to enjoy life, than to fall into an unhealthy outlet. Each person needs a different amount of spice in their life. Sometimes resentment can build up if we stifle our spouse from seeking out the wholesome fun that they crave. We often forget that fun is a necessary part of our spouse's mental health. 

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Seeing The World Through Your Partner's Eyes

Mar 20 • 17:35

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

When you are trying to understand your partner, it helps to try and see the world through their eyes. This is done by trying to put yourself in your partner's shoes and then trying to understand what it is like to walk around in them. Your not only trying to feel what it is like, you are trying to understand their reasoning behind their choices and actions. When you can understand the reasoning behind their choices and actions, then your partner will open up to you at a deeper level. Once they feel understood at a deep level, it will be easier for them to want to understand you. 

Addictions

Mar 6 • 25:13

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

In this episode we discuss why addictions take away freedom and how to get it back. We discuss how people use addictions to overcome depression and how to overcome depression without the use of addictions. 

Self Serving Bias

Feb 13 • 18:45

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

We all are biased towards something or someone. Sometimes we are biased towards ourselves. We tend to overestimate our abilities and benevolence. Oftentimes we do this while we underestimate the benevolence of others in our family. If this happens we can build up resentment. This resentment results in us becoming irritated towards our family members which results in our family members withdrawing form us. The withdrawing can confirm our assumptions that the family member is not as invested as we are.

Tolerate or Not Tolerate

Jan 30 • 31:13

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

It's never a good idea to tolerate abuse. No one wants to get yelled at or put down. It is up to you to decide what to do when someone is hurtful. You can leave the conversation, leave the home, or leave the relationship. You cannot change the other person, no matter how hard you try. They can change themselves. If they don't want to change themselves, they do not have to. It is their choice. If you don't want to stand and listen to someone yell at you, you can leave. You also have a choice. There are consequences to those choices. Only you and God and decide what decision is right for you. 

Karma

Jan 2 • 26:07

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Liza told a story about her brother, who worked as a butler. He was beat and yelled at. He was not given his salary, even though he worked there for a year. His boss ended up experiencing some painful karma. His skin started pealing off his body and he became infested with ants. He was in a lot of pain, but he couldn't die. He sought for her brother and asked him for forgiveness. Her brother forgave him and then he promptly died. Karma is not kind. 

Bye Bye Anger

Dec 11 • 23:46

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Liza told a story about being upset at a local facility. She did not attend services and they made her pay because she did not withdraw in a method that they accepted. When she reversed it in her mind and she decided she was making a donation, her anger went away. 

When we have a problem and we redefine it as a solution, the body relaxes and lets go of anger. 

If my spouse is demanding that I fold the laundry in a specific way and I do it out of obligation, I might feel angry because I am framing the situation as a problem. If I choose to fold the laundry her specific way because I enjoy doing acts of love, I might feel joy because I am framing the situation as an act love. 

Troubles that can happen with your kid's cellphone

Nov 21 • 24:27

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

There are some troubles that come up when your kid has a cellphone. Kids can receive constant texts and phone calls from friends, requesting emotional support. Although being supportive is good, it was wear a person down emotionally if there are not any breaks taken. Kids should also be aware of the dangers of sexting and sextortion. 

Don't Be A Meanie Head

Nov 13 • 19:35

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Did you know that if you yell at someone, they will yell back. If you want the conversation to go well, be calm and kind when you talk to them. If you do this, you and your love will be happier. 

Building Up Verses Tearing Down

Nov 7 • 31:56

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

People complain that their spouse is unhappy and doesn't want to be around them. They fail to notice that if you treat people kind, they will want to be around you. If you treat people mean, they will want to distance themselves from you. If you build people up, they will be happier than if you tear them down. This will make them more pleasant to be around. 

Intrinsic Self Worth

Oct 30 • 29:25

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Our self worth is unchanging. Our deficits are atoned through Jesus the Christ. Because of the atonement of Jesus, our intrinsic value is constant. Our emotions are not dependent upon our value changing. Our emotions change when we compare our current state to another state. We have the power to choose what state we are comparing ourselves to. This changes our emotions. Contentment and peace can also be found simply by not comparing one state to another.

Overwhelmed

Oct 17 • 11:09

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

This is a little story about me. It is a story about how feeling overwhelmed created a feeling of anxiety. It created a feeling of inadequacy. It also created erroneous perceptions of my wife's comments. When I let go of my unnecessary desires, I did not feel inadequate. I got the same amount of work accomplished. My focus was on what mattered. I also started interpreting comments more accurately. 

You Don't Need to Place Blame to Solve a Problem

Oct 3 • 23:22

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

A couple does not need to place blame in order to solve a problem. Instead of focusing on who’s to blame, they can focus on solutions. It is helpful to keep a calm voice. It is also helpful to spend time trying to understand their partner. If a person does place blame, that are at risk for triggering past memories and trauma in their partner that may be very unpleasant for them. The partner will then be reacting to your blame in a visceral manner.

How to Evict the People Living in Your Head

Sep 24 • 30:15

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Sometimes we are motivated for the wrong reasons. We do things because we do not want to be criticized. We do things because we want to coerce someone into loving us. We do things because we want someone's opinion of us to be different.  When this happens, the person we are trying to change starts taking up residence in our head. We start hearing their voice dictate our actions and our decisions. As this occurs, we can build up frustration and animosity towards that person, because they are never quite satisfied. A different approach is to do things out of the desire of our own heart. We love because we desire to love, not because we are trying to achieve someone's affection. We work hard because we enjoy achievement, not because we are trying to gain approval. Doing things in an effort to gain someone's consideration can be very taxing and energy depleting. Doing things out of the desire of our heart can be energy building and rewarding, especially when the desire of our heart is pure. 

Internal Verses External Locus of Control in Relationships

Sep 12 • 17:33

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

People with an internal locus of control believe that they change their environment. People with an external locus of control believes their environment changes them. When someone with an external locus of control marries someone with an internal locus of control, we have one person believing that all of their emotions and marital issues are because of the other person.

What trauma is and how to manage it

Aug 28 • 40:31

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Traumatic events happen to us throughout our lives. Our body tries to avoid the traumatic event by causing us to avoid or become angry in situations that are similar to the traumatic event. We can retrain our bodies to respond differently to the triggers. 

Coveting, Desires, and Goals

Aug 22 • 09:46

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Setting goals for ourselves is a useful tool. When we decide that we can only be content once we achieve our goals, then we will be feel less than enough. When we decide that our contentment is determined by us reaching that higher state, we will feel pressure to reach it. As the pressure mounts up, we start to frantically take measure of our progress. Our mind will start using others as a way to measure our progress. As we notice we are doing better than others, we will feel prideful. When we notice we are doing worse than others, we will feel jealous and worthless. If we let go of the idea that contentment is at the end of the coveting rainbow, we will reduce pressure on ourselves. We will allow ourselves to focus on what is around us. We will allow ourselves to enjoy the moment we are in. Our tendency to judge our position in comparison with others will dramatically decrease. 

Love can't be coerced

Jul 31 • 29:42

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Love can't be coerced. As people we become entitled and demanding of our spouse. We feel unloved so we demand that our spouse loves us. This doesn't work. Love is an experience. It isn't a commodity that can be demanded. 

How to Facilitate Internal Motivation in Children

Jul 11 • 27:32

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

Some people do not want to reward their children with a compliment or a tangible external reward. They want their child to be internally motivated to do good deeds. A child can be taught to be internally motivated. This podcast addresses some of the ways to accomplish this.

When Children Have a Low Tolerance Towards Frustration

Jul 3 • 30:11

Some children have a low tolerance towards frustration. When they experience a frustration, they respond with a backlash of strong emotion. This sometimes includes yelling, screaming, crying, and fit throwing. It is often the initial response of care givers to want to remove the frustration so that the emotion will not be felt. A better approach is to allow the child to experience frustration on a small level and then gradually increase that level until they can tolerate large amounts of frustration. The child can be taught positive ways to manage their frustration, but they will not use those coping strategies if there is an easier way for them to express themselves. If the child feels emotions deeply, they might find it easier to scream than to use a positive coping strategy. Deterrents, such as consequences, should be in place to make the poor response to frustration a less desirable path than the positive response to frustration. The parent should limit interaction during the consequence, so the attention will not inadvertently reinforce the undesirable behavior. The parent should give an outpouring of love after the consequence has been completed, so the child continues to feel secure in their relationship with the parent. The parent should offer praise, every time the child makes attempts at managing their emotions in an appropriate manner.

Pacing

Published on: June 19, 2020 at 8:28 AM

When we pace someone that we are trying to help, we are moving at their rate of growth, not ours. When we outpace their rate of growth, we come across as being demanding or pushy. The person we are helping will often respond to that by growing less. If we use encouragement and love, the person we are helping is more likely to grow at a faster rate. People have their agency. If they do not want to grow, there isn't anything that we can do to make them. When this happens, it is best to be patient until that person can recognize their need to change. It is okay to point out the problem too them, but after the problem is pointed out, take a step back and wait. It takes time for people to digest information. 

Family Prayers and Scriptures

Published on: June 06, 2020 at 6:29 AM

Children need a place where they learn value, respect, putting others first, and developing a relationship with God. They are not going to learn that anywhere else, except in the home. Oftentimes they don’t even learn that in church. The home is the place for them to learn these values. One of the best times for them to learn these values is during family prayers and scripture study. It is this time that topics can be discussed and explored. Then as we apply those values in our daily interactions, the children learn how the scriptures and prayers are applicable in life.

The Benefits of Tolerating Negative Emotions

Published on: May 22, 2020 at 10:32 AM

People do not like certain emotions. For example, they don't like feeling disappointing, worthless, mistaken, or sad. When people need to have a conversation with themselves or with a loved one, conversations that provoke those emotions are often avoided or responded to poorly. The benefits of learning to tolerate those emotions are that a person can have those difficult conversations in a calm and caring manner. 

Haunted By Memories of Mistakes

Published on: May 08, 2020 at 10:18 AM

A lot of us are haunted by memories of mistakes. These memories become painful, when we think of them. When we react strongly to the memories, our body sees those memories as a threat. Our body's purpose is to keep us alive. When the body recognizes something as a threat, it will remember and remind us of the threat. Sometimes our body doesn't label the memory of as the threat. Sometimes our body labels the emotion that is invoked by the memory, as the threat. When this happens, our body starts responding to that emotion, as if it is threatening. Whenever we feel the emotion, we feel anxious or fearful. Sometimes we feel angry, in response to the emotion. When this occurs, a memory or an emotion can trigger an anxiety response that can last hours or days. This is occurring because our body recognizes the threat and is trying hard to get rid of it. We can train our body to relax, when we experience the threatening emotion or memory. As our body learns to relax in the presence of the trigger, our body reclassifies the trigger as non-threatening . When the trigger is no longer threatening, our body no longer exhibits anxiety in the presence of the memory or emotion. 

Grief

Published on: May 01, 2020 at 8:58 AM

When a loved one dies, its very painful. One way to deal with grief is to find meaning. It is often hard to move on with life, after someone dies. There can be a lot of mixed feelings about enjoying life again. Finding meaning, helps people move on with their life. 

Shaping-What It Is And How To Use It

Published on: April 24, 2020 at 9:20 AM

Shaping is a behavioral term. People often do things because they are either intrinsically rewarded (they feel good when they do it) or they are extrinsically rewarded (they receive something for doing it). If someone isn't intrinsically rewarded when they do something, they will do less of it, unless they are extrinsically rewarded. The concept behind shaping is that you offer a small external reward, when someone does something that you want them to do more more of.  When you offer an external reward, such as a "thank you," they will be more likely to do it again, because it was a pleasant experience to hear the word, "thank you." Some people respond differently to different rewards, a hug might mean more to someone than a verbal "thank you." If you want someone to do a specific behavior, wait until they make a small step towards that behavior. When the small step occurs, make it a pleasurable experience by expressing your gratitude, in a way that they would appreciate. As they do the behavior at a greater frequency and at a closer proximity toward the final step, continue to express your gratitude. If they slide backwards and do the behavior at a lessor frequency, don't yell at them because that would make the context a negative context. Instead, be silent about it. The absence of appreciation will be noticeable, if appreciation was expressed previously. When they start moving forward again, show appreciation again. This will make the experience pleasant. People gravitate toward pleasurable experiences. 

Reinforcement Principles that Help Motivate Children

Published on: April 17, 2020 at 8:29 AM

Parents are struggling right now. With the COVID-19 pandemic going on, people are working and going to school, at home. Parents are having to cook, clean, monitor school work, tutor, and complete a 40 hour work week. Tension is high in many families. To help out, we put together some reinforcement principles that help motivate children. These principles can help motivate children to do school work and chores. Other parenting principles can be found at this website https://ericjohnsonphd.com/children and https://ericjohnsonphd.com/adolescents

Is My Spouse Insane?

Published on: April 03, 2020 at 7:29 PM

In Dr. Rosenhan's study, "On Being Sane in Insane Places" he demonstrated how a trained professional can wrongly assume a diagnosis.  Once the professionals labeled the patient, everything the patient did, was interpreted as evidence for the diagnosis. When we diagnose our spouse, do we make the same mistake? When we diagnose our spouse as lazy or uncaring, do we mistakenly look for confirming evidence. Do we allow ourselves to look for disconfirming evidence?

Emotional Independence

Published on: March 20, 2020 at 6:00 PM

What is emotional independence? How do you achieve it? How is it different from from emotional dependence?

The Path of Most Resistance

Published on: February 28, 2020 at 6:20 PM

We become so hyperfocused on the path of greatest resistance, that we often forget that there are other paths that will take us to our desired outcome. If we stop and take a step back from focusing on the most resistant path, we can start to see other ways of achieving our goal. If we take two steps back, really define what it is that we really want, and forget for a minute about how we think we are going to get there, even more possibilities will open up.

Assumptions

Published on: February 21, 2020 at 3:09 PM

We assign meaning to our spouses actions. The meaning that we assign influences how we view our spouse. It can influence our mood for the rest of the day. If we make negative assumptions about what our spouse is thinking or feeling, we build up anger and animosity. If we make positive assumptions about our spouses actions, we feel loved and our love grows. 

Criticism to Compliment Ratio

Published on: February 07, 2020 at 9:19 AM

People communicate many messages, both verbal and nonverbal, that have ambiguous meanings. These messages are interpreted, based on past interactions. If a person constantly criticizes, their partner is likely to interpret ambiguous messages as a criticism. If a person is constantly praising and complimenting a partner, the partner is likely to interpret ambiguous messages as praise.

Suicide

Published on: January 31, 2020 at 8:43 AM

Some people have loved ones and friends who commit suicide, and they didn't even know the person was that depressed. This episode talks about why it is so difficult to recognize when someone is depressed. This episode also discusses how depression commonly effects people and what a person can do to overcome it. 

Overt and Covert Rules

Published on: January 21, 2020 at 7:44 AM

When kids are young, between ages 3-12, the overt rules will be the most important. When they are older, after age 12, the covert rules will be the most important to them. What you want your kids to be, you must work to model it.

The Position of Power

Published on: January 10, 2020 at 10:05 AM

The most powerful position in a relationship is the one-down position. The person in this position holds the most power because they are the least invested. The person that is the least invested in the argument can walk away, when it gets heated. The person who is least invested in the fight, can discontinue it. The person in the one-up position, can only be in that position if they have a willing participant.

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Therapy & Theology Podcast

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Episode 00 - Taking Control Back From a Panic Attack

In this podcast T.C. Long and Eric Johnson answered a listener’s question about how to manage panic attacks and how to prepare for a panic attack.

Episode 01 - Is setting goals important?

In this podcast, T.C. Long and Eric Johnson answer a listener's question about the importance of setting goals and how to successfully set goals. 

 Episode 02 - How Do I Manage My Feelings & Apathy?

In this podcast, T.C. Long and Eric Johnson answer a listener's question about how to decrease apathy and how to increase the ability to manage emotions.

Episode 03 - Inner Peace & Change

T.C. and I answer the following questions
– “I’m going to school because I feel like I need it. But it stresses me out and I feel like dropping out. What should I do?”
– “Is it possible to achieve inner peace? Or will I always have to be growing and changing?”

Episode 4 - Four Key Concepts for Mental Health

This podcast covers the role of sleep, exercise, meditation, and spirituality in mental health.