The brain works in probability. If the last few interactions with your spouse have been positive, then the brain will start interpreting neutral interactions with positive intent. Before people will start interpreting neutral statement in a positive light, they need to experience significantly more positive interactions than negative.
If a person grew up in a hostile environment or if their previous relationship was hostile, then that person would have spent many years hearing about how they are worthless. If a person is very hard on themselves, they will be convincing themselves of their inadequacies. Verbal abuse given to the self or given from someone else warps a person’s view. This inaccurate view will also result in a person misinterpreting neutral interactions in a more negative light.
We cannot change how another person sees the world. If we were to focus on changing how another person sees the world, we would feel frustrated because there is a lot of factors that go into how a person interprets their environment. We can change our impact on their environment.
If we really do love the person we are with, we need to take time to express it. We can express it through touch, smiles, verbal expressions, acts of kindness, small purchases, notes, or any number of methods. The rate that we express it should be very high. There should be a constant flow of positive messages that are being sent from one person to the other. There should be a feeling of love that permeates the home.
Think about your coworkers or managers from the past. If one of them walk into the room, your body instantly responds to their presence. You either become more relaxed or you instantly become tense. Your reaction is based on the type of message you are used to hearing from them. With our spouse, we want to cultivate a feeling that we care about them, and they are never going to be hurt in our presence.