Our value as human beings is innate. The banker is not worth any more than the homeless man. What devalues us as human beings is how we measure ourselves. If we use another person’s success as a measurement tool, our value is diminished within the realm of comparison. If we use an abstract ideal as a measurement tool, our value is diminished and frustration ensues as we try to chase something as tangible as a rainbow.
When we make a conscious decision to let go of the measurement tool we are using, we will find that we feel good about ourselves. How do we do that? The same way we let go of any desire. We make a conscious decision that we no longer need it. As we successfully make that decision a weight will be lifted and we will feel peace. If we cannot make that decision, we need to look inside ourselves and discover why.
Growth
It is fun and exciting to grow as a person. There is nothing wrong with that. It is inherent in all of us. What we cannot do is pin our happiness on the outcome. Our happiness will not be found there. Dr. Tal Ben-Shaher coined the term, “arrival fallacy.” The arrival fallacy describes the mistake we make when we pin our happiness on an outcome only to discover that happiness isn’t there once we arrive. For example, a person might remember telling themselves, “ I will be happy once I graduate middle school and get to high school,” only to discover that happiness was not waiting for them.
A more sound way to gain a sense of happiness from achievement is to make small measurable achievable goals. This creates a sense of satisfaction as we achieve a sense of growth. The distant goal often creates dissatisfaction in the “now” while small achievable goals create a sense of everyday accomplishment.
Motivation
If our motivation to accomplish a goal is to decrease anxiety, we will likely experience minimal success. Accomplishing goals to decrease anxiety often results in feeling good for a moment followed by renewed anxiety and pressure at the thought of the next goal. A more successful method is motivating ourselves through joy, fun, achievement, pride, or another energy-building emotion.
As we let go of abstract ideals and break down our large goals into small success-building bites we start to feel a sense of satisfaction with ourselves. We see ourselves as adequate. We have a strong sense of self-worth. We recognize our innate value.