How to be Valuable to Someone You Love
When you were dating, your spouse was searching for you in a world full of people. Your spouse picked you out because you were valuable to her. You were valuable because of unique qualities that you had. You still possess those qualities.
Most people, when they are looking for value in a relationship, are not looking for anything out of the ordinary. They want someone that they can freely talk to, without judgement. They want someone that will listen to them. People want someone who will respond to them when they talk. They want someone who will give them their full attention.
People value someone who values their unique attributes. A spouse will appreciate someone who values small daily efforts that she makes. People like to feel successful. When you show appreciation for your spouse, it indicates to her that she is successful.
People feel close to those they share burdens with. There are many ways to share burdens with your spouse. Some of these include, doing chores, caring for children, creating a budget, and paying bills. If common everyday tasks are done together, it creates a feeling of closeness and value. Doing tasks together, creates a closer feeling than dividing up tasks evenly.
Honesty is valuable. Admitting to mistakes does not make you appear less trustworthy. It creates a feeling for your spouse that if you ever mess up, she will be the first one to know. It creates a sense of security, knowing that she doesn’t have to guess if something is wrong.
People like to know that they can depend on their spouse. Like a best friend who always sticks up for them, people like to know their spouse will defend them. People like a spouse who follows through with commitments big and small. People feel at ease when they know that their spouse can be depended on to take care of their children.
Kindness is valuable. People show kindness with little daily steps. They use polite words and manners. They ask things nicely. They do not demand. Kindness is shown by using quiet and calm words. People feel special when their spouse appears to take extra steps to show them kindness.
People value someone who cares for them. Little things show caring. Sitting next to your spouse. Holding your spouse’s hand. Walking next to your spouse in public. Doing extra chores when your spouse is sick. Taking the time to write a thank you note. Extending a phone call at lunch. It is the accumulation of little things that shows a person cares.
Sometimes, even after all you do, your spouse may not indicate that you are valuable to her. You cannot force your spouse to value you. All you can do is to be valuable. If you know that you are valuable, be happy. Your value does not increase or decrease in accordance with the appraisal of others. Your value exists independent of validation.